When you are overweight, it seems that every single piece of food that you touch becomes open to public scrutiny.

The people who stare at what you’re buying in the checkout line are bad enough. Even worse are strangers who feel the need to comment on your purchase. One of the most recent embarrassing moments occurred when I was purchasing doughnuts for a meeting at work. They were pre-packaged by the dozen and buy-one-get-one-free. Since there were a lot of people attending the meeting, I splurged and picked up four boxes. (Other coworkers were picking up things like hot coffee, cream cheese, bagels, etc.) With a smirk and a phony giggle, the cashier commented, “These aren’t all for you, are they?” I actually felt my face turn red. I was so flustered that I was speechless. I just kind of smiled and laughed. In reality, I simply wanted to vanish right there on the spot. I felt like every customer within earshot was staring at me. I was completely humiliated.

There are the “should you really be eating that” friends who openly criticize whatever you eat. Once at lunch, I ordered an iced tea. I like unsweetened tea, but this stuff tasted terrible. There was only sugar on the table and so I picked one up and opened it. To my surprise, my uncaring pal asked, “I thought you were on a diet.” I was so embarrassed at what she said that I ended up drinking the refill without sugar, even though it didn’t taste very good and sugar would have really helped. I should have spoken up and asked for a diet soda instead. Even better, I should have told my “friend” that it was none of her business. (Note that a packet of sugar is usually about 15 calories so it wouldn’t have been the end of the world to eat sugar on that one occasion.)

On the flip side, you have people who think you aren’t eating enough. What most people don’t realize is that the actual portion sizes adults should be eating is a lot smaller than what we’re used to seeing. We are accustomed to going into restaurants and being served massive piles of food on oversized plates. What we don’t realize is that these meals are nearly enough for two or three meals. Add appetizers and dessert and you’re way over your recommended caloric intake for the day.

For example, a serving of meat is 3 ounces and should be about the size of a deck of cards and a 1/2 cup serving of pasta should be about the size of a tennis ball. It doesn’t look like much and when I eat these recommended servings in front of friends and family I get, “Are you sure you’re eating enough?” Are you kidding me? Do I look like I’m starving? The reality is that this amount of food is sufficient and when I take the time to eat slowly, I usually feel full.

Then, they get to say, “I told you so!” in a couple of hours when I eat a non-fat yogurt or some fruit for a snack. “See… I told you that you’d be hungry later!” Every nutritionist I’ve ever seen and nearly every diet I’ve ever followed has recommended eating three “squares” in addition to two sensible snacks in between. Eating huge meals is not healthy or satisfying. (Ever eat a huge meal very quickly and get the feeling that a cannon ball was just dropped into your stomach? Well, that’s not the feeling you’re supposed to get.)

And when “snack time” does come around, I’m not starving. I’m just a little hungry. Often, a single banana, for example, is enough until my next meal. Of course, there are days that I’m hungrier. And there are days that I’m not even hungry between meals. Again, I know should tell them to mind their own business, but I’m so used to hearing criticism that I clam up and say nothing.

I have had pals who insisted that I join them at a buffet-style restaurant, and then criticize me for not eating three plates worth of salad. They’re the same people who call me obsessed when I ask for nutrition information at a restaurant before ordering. It feels as if I’m losing a battle of sanity with the same people who are supposed to be my “support system.” (Not my term. This is a phrase that doctors always seem to use when they refer to my friends and family. It sounds like they’re concerned with the quality of the shocks in my car rather than real human beings!)

It may sound like I’m being a jerk when it comes to people I know and that’s not true. Most comments that I get are out of concern and only a few have been rude. (These people are no longer my friends, but usually for many reasons.) I think that everyone has been faced with such conflicting and confusing information when it comes to a healthy diet that everyone has developed their own idea of what is healthy. I’ve probably done the same things to myself when it comes to my own approach to eating better.