On Being Myself

Recently I told a Facebook friend I liked the same band that she did. In fact, I really liked the same exact YouTube video she posted and told her so. In a roundabout way she told me that I indeed was not a fan of the band and was only saying so to be likable.

I was taken aback. I didn't know what to say. I wasn't sure if I am offended or confused. (I already talked with her about the issue and she said it was a misunderstanding. She said is cool with me posting this because I'm not mentioning her name.)

In another situation when I told someone I was insecure about something they told me to knock it off and be myself. I was confused. I was being myself.

I am writing about this because this has happened before. Many times. Not so often that it happens every moment of every day, but enough to become quite aggravating.

It seems that people run around posting "be yourself" on Facebook walls, bumper stickers, and T-shirts. However, I don't think that most people understand what "being yourself" really is. The average person that I meet tells me I'm not being myself when my personality traits or opinions are not what they expect they should be.

"You're not a goth. That's not you."

"You're not depressed. You're just pretending to be depressed and that's not you."

"You don't really like that band that I like. Why can't you just be yourself!?"

But I am being myself. Just because I don't fit a certain profile or assumption of who you think I am doesn't mean I am not that person.

And while I am on the subject, people only seem to accept "being yourself" when you have certain traits that are popular. If you are an introvert, a wallflower, a cutter, a bookworm, etc. then you aren't being yourself. If you are outgoing, popular, cheerful, exciting, daring, and so on then you are being yourself. There's nothing wrong of course with being outgoing, popular, etc. Those are wonderful personality traits, but they aren't for everyone. Some people love to get dressed up and party until the wee hours of the morning, while others prefer pajamas and video games until the sun comes up. Neither is more preferable to the other and some people enjoy both situations from time to time.

I'm sorry if this doesn't make sense. It's confusing to explain. But when people tell me to be myself (when I already am being myself) it seems like they are encouraging me to be what they expect out of me. I am what I am. I might change over the years (I'm not the same metalhead I was when I was in my early teens, for example, but still enjoy the genre), but I can assure you that I am being who I am. For example, sometimes I am over-enthusiastic or over-eager. That's not me trying to be someone I'm not. It's just who I am. When I discover something new like a song or movie that I really like I get totally obsessed with it (The Avengers movie is a good example). That's just who I am. Sometimes that trait is a good thing like when it comes to school--I get totally absorbed with my subject material, especially early in the semester and read an study as much as I can. Of course, it's not always a good trait, but we all have things about us that aren't perfect.

I am still a work in progress. We all are. But I can assure you that I am being myself.

If you're reading this and you think you can provide a better explanation of what I'm trying to say, please feel free to share your thoughts!