Going Forward

I'll be the first to admit that most of my previous posts are crap. They are mostly self-loathing and self-pity which hasn't gotten me anywhere. I haven't lost all the weight that I had the potential to lose and I'm facing bigger problems now that I did in the past. As of now, it's not anything I can't control with diet, exercise, and medication. But it's not a good thing and I am definitely struggling. I am making a promise to myself to think better and do better.

I will never be perfect and have to accept that there will be some horrible days. I'll make bad food choices. I'll get involved with the 9000 things that are part of life and miss my workout. That's okay. Even a machine can miss routine maintenance once in a while and not stop working completely. But like a machine, eventually the wear-and-tear becomes too much and all those missed "maintenance" sessions will add up. Perhaps that is where I find myself now. All is not lost, but unless changes are made, this machine will cease to operate.

I think I spend too much time beating myself up over missed workouts and poor meal choices than making the right decisions. I let myself be swayed by those who tell me. "Just this time you can ___" when I know that I really should make a better choice. A slice of cake or an extra large order of fries will never feel as good as making a good choice and eating something that is healthier and more filling. I've never regretted eating an apple or two, nor have I ever thought an extra 15 minutes on the treadmill was time better spent doing something else.

This calls to mind an "abs" class I took once for free at the community college I attended. It was basically 30 minutes straight of intense abdominal exercises with very little rest in between exercises, but changes in position to work different areas, two times per week. I remember having to think about a movie star who had a challenging movie role requiring a great deal of exercise to train for her role just to endure. I felt so out of place. Most of the kids were in pretty good shape, but here I was on the floor gasping and sweating and feeling like a whale. But I persevered and felt like a million dollars once I caught my breath, changed, and went back to the work-study job I also had on those mornings. The only time I ever felt awful was when I missed out.

It's hard to do what I need to do sometimes. But I just have to.

And I plan to have better stuff on my blog as well.

Stay tuned.