So it happens again.

I am doing well. I'm working out on a regular basis. I'm finally losing weight, even if it is only a few pounds. It doesn't matter that it's only a few pounds because I'm on the right track.

But then my back goes out. Not the end of the world, right? It'll last a few days and I'll be back to normal. No problem. It's a setback. I'll feel like I have to start over with my workouts. The injury somewhat resets all the progress I had made. I'll gain the weight back and maybe a little more because I'm immobile and unable to prepare healthier meals.

But it keeps happening. Again and again and again. For years. The weight gain is starting to really add up and exacerbates the back pain making the episodes longer and more painful. Longer episodes of incapacity mean bigger setbacks, longer periods of minimal exercise, and greater weight gain. The cycle continues over and over.

I lose my insurance and can't find a job that offers insurance. The state says I'm not eligible for benefits and refers me to the clinic. The clinics insist that I apply for benefits. Meanwhile, I'm stuck here alone and isolated on a heating pad filling out form after form hoping this time I'll be covered so I can continue physical therapy (and get the lesions biopsied so I don't have to worry anymore, but that is another issue). My condition negatively impacts every aspect of my life from my job to housework to maintaining a social life.

So please forgive me if I get angry when someone says they don't understand why this is so upsetting. Or when people question the cleanliness of my home or my ability to go to work. Or when I'm asked why I LET it get this bad.